i lost the love of my life yesterday, my cat lily. i know that might sound absurd, but lily was a truly special being. anyone who ever met her knew it. she was a black cat that only shed white fur. she was a peace maker and mediator. and she kicked asses of cats and humans far bigger than her. she had a love/hate relationship with just about everything - especially me. and this wonder woman doll action figure i used to have. the love was real, the hate was really just for show.
i was there when her litter was born - everyone but her, she wasn't quite ready to come out. when she was about 2 weeks old, i was laying on the bed with all the kittens. she climbed up until she found a spot near my heart on my neck. and she stayed there. for hours. needless to say she moved in with me as soon as she was big enough. and with me is where she has been ever since.
she was with me when i broke up with boyfriends. she licked the tears from my face while i cried from her perch on my neck. she would run into the room and yell at me if i ever raised my voice. she so hated yelling. and she would sing with me whenever i sang to her. one night, she either loved or hated the song from "a chorus line" (michael hill, zoe fain) i was belting out so much she was hanging off my cheek by her teeth. then there was that time she sang along with bagpipes playing amazing grace on t.v. almost completely in key. always by my side. yesterday, while we waited for the vet to come over and bring her some peace, she was by my side. on my lap. on my neck. the day she died she spent like the day she picked me - curled up on my neck. hugging me. full circle.
lily, more than any other animal i am honored to share my home with (and i have had many many animals, all of whom i have loved dearly) taught me unconditional love. complete, total unadulterated unconditional love. she was so cute and little that i couldn't help but pick her up every 5 minutes. she HATED it and would growl the whole time, while licking me, but she always let me pick her up again. the day she moved in, she jumped up next to one of the old ladies of the house - besides me - and just curled up on her and went to sleep. she had no fear. she had no qualms. she wanted everyone to just love each other. i really learned unconditional love from her. and try to remember to practice it.
she never judged me. not when i acted like a total asshole. which i have a tendency to do. a lot. i drink too much, i talk too loud, i make inappropriate jokes, i curse like a sailor, i'm super opinionated, i'm honest probably to a fault, and i am socially awkward, with guys in particular. but only if i like them. and i end up chasing them away because i don't know how to act properly. she never cared. i do. i did. i always will. but that cat could care less that i had tried to tell someone i liked them in the wrong way and made them go running the other direction. she knew me. she knew i always meant well. and never meant to be crazy but, well....shit sometimes it just happens. if you are one of those guys? sorry. i am too honest. i don't know how to be that way appropriately so i come across as a crazy person. c'est la vie. lily never cared. she knew i am a little crazy but a lot in love with everyone in my life. especially her. and didn't give a flying fuck.
there will never be a day i don't miss her. or cry for her. or wish she was still here with me. she didn't go peacefully like i wish she would have, but that was her way. she knew she was dying but she wasn't gonna go like that. she fought it with the sass she was born with, and lived with. she may have left this earth far too soon but i am honored to have spent the years i did with her. i will never forget her or the lessons i learned from her. and i will love all of you unconditionally regardless for the rest of my life. and i have her to thank.
i realize this is very out of character for me, but every so often? especially at times like this? yep. i finally have remembered what it's like to cry. i do it once every 5 years, whether i want to or not. i am sad. i miss my sweet little cat. i miss everyone in my life who left this earth too soon. if you are someone who doesn't know me well? realize i will always tell you exactly how i feel. life is too damn short to not always be completely honest with people. if you don't like it? oh well. i don't have the time to worry about it. but if you stick around? i will love you, warts and all.
sleep well, my dear sweet lily.
i was there when her litter was born - everyone but her, she wasn't quite ready to come out. when she was about 2 weeks old, i was laying on the bed with all the kittens. she climbed up until she found a spot near my heart on my neck. and she stayed there. for hours. needless to say she moved in with me as soon as she was big enough. and with me is where she has been ever since.
she was with me when i broke up with boyfriends. she licked the tears from my face while i cried from her perch on my neck. she would run into the room and yell at me if i ever raised my voice. she so hated yelling. and she would sing with me whenever i sang to her. one night, she either loved or hated the song from "a chorus line" (michael hill, zoe fain) i was belting out so much she was hanging off my cheek by her teeth. then there was that time she sang along with bagpipes playing amazing grace on t.v. almost completely in key. always by my side. yesterday, while we waited for the vet to come over and bring her some peace, she was by my side. on my lap. on my neck. the day she died she spent like the day she picked me - curled up on my neck. hugging me. full circle.
lily, more than any other animal i am honored to share my home with (and i have had many many animals, all of whom i have loved dearly) taught me unconditional love. complete, total unadulterated unconditional love. she was so cute and little that i couldn't help but pick her up every 5 minutes. she HATED it and would growl the whole time, while licking me, but she always let me pick her up again. the day she moved in, she jumped up next to one of the old ladies of the house - besides me - and just curled up on her and went to sleep. she had no fear. she had no qualms. she wanted everyone to just love each other. i really learned unconditional love from her. and try to remember to practice it.
she never judged me. not when i acted like a total asshole. which i have a tendency to do. a lot. i drink too much, i talk too loud, i make inappropriate jokes, i curse like a sailor, i'm super opinionated, i'm honest probably to a fault, and i am socially awkward, with guys in particular. but only if i like them. and i end up chasing them away because i don't know how to act properly. she never cared. i do. i did. i always will. but that cat could care less that i had tried to tell someone i liked them in the wrong way and made them go running the other direction. she knew me. she knew i always meant well. and never meant to be crazy but, well....shit sometimes it just happens. if you are one of those guys? sorry. i am too honest. i don't know how to be that way appropriately so i come across as a crazy person. c'est la vie. lily never cared. she knew i am a little crazy but a lot in love with everyone in my life. especially her. and didn't give a flying fuck.
there will never be a day i don't miss her. or cry for her. or wish she was still here with me. she didn't go peacefully like i wish she would have, but that was her way. she knew she was dying but she wasn't gonna go like that. she fought it with the sass she was born with, and lived with. she may have left this earth far too soon but i am honored to have spent the years i did with her. i will never forget her or the lessons i learned from her. and i will love all of you unconditionally regardless for the rest of my life. and i have her to thank.
i realize this is very out of character for me, but every so often? especially at times like this? yep. i finally have remembered what it's like to cry. i do it once every 5 years, whether i want to or not. i am sad. i miss my sweet little cat. i miss everyone in my life who left this earth too soon. if you are someone who doesn't know me well? realize i will always tell you exactly how i feel. life is too damn short to not always be completely honest with people. if you don't like it? oh well. i don't have the time to worry about it. but if you stick around? i will love you, warts and all.
sleep well, my dear sweet lily.
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